I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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