I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
