I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
