I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
