her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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