I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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