can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
