I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Randomize
