I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
