shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
