I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
