Pappa wants mamma naked
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Randomize
