I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I have demons in me.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
