Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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