was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
