Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
