my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
