bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
