You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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