I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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