Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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