wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
