Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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