Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
