i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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