Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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