so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
