If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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