I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
