If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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