shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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