used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
