I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
