YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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