You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
