We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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