How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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