You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Barsexuality is the new black.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
