I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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