hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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