he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
