Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
