Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
