Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
