The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize