Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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