so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
