Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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