ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
