It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
