Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
