i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
