She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
