did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
