I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
