dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
