Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

My brain says no but my pants say off.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better

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(574): View more from Indiana

how does Santa get into Hogwarts?

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(240): View more from Maryland

He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice

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(785): View more from Kansas

you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it

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(425): View more from Washington

One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.

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(575): View more from New Mexico

I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.

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(801): View more from Utah

My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.

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(317): View more from Indiana

I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true

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