i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
