Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
