Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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