the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
