I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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