I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
