You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
