She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
My life is pants optional.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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