if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
